Forgive and Forget? Not as Easy as it Sounds!

Is it really even possible to forgive AND forget? I understand that you can forgive anyone at any time that you want, but can you really forget what happened, or what caused you to have to forgive them in the first place?
With my own personal experiences, I have found it hard to do both actually. Forgiveness is something that comes from the heart, and generally takes a lot of help from a higher source. Depending on the degree of what a person has done or said to you, makes it all the more difficult to set it all aside and decide, "Enough is enough, it's time to let some stuff go!" Forgetting, now that is something that I can say is definitely not as easy as it sounds as my title indicates! Just because you have decided to forgive, doesn't necessarily mean that you will be able to forget what caused you pain in the first place.
Just recently, I decided to forgive everyone who had hurt me (mainly emotionally). It took a lot of time and prayer, but I was able to eventually forgive those who had tried to destroy me emotionally. Before I decided to do that, I can honestly say that all I saw was red when I thought of all of them, and all I wanted was revenge, not physical revenge, but emotional and mental... I wanted to make them all feel the way that they made me feel.
After careful thought and being smarter and stronger than I have ever been, I was able to decide that living a life that was full of hatred and revenge was not only unhealthy for me, but for my daughter as well. I don't need those people, I never did. I was honestly trying to make everyone happy, and in that process, I ended up unhappy and hurt. People who are caught up in trying to make other people's lives miserable are miserable themselves. Though I probably will never forget anything that caused me all of that pain, I can honestly say that when the moment came that I finally forgave them, the weight lifted off of my shoulders, and I felt as though nothing in the world was important except my daughter, and the few people who still stand beside me.

Just an Introductory, A Little Venting Before I Start My Real Posts! :)

In the past year, many have said that I need to see a councellor, but I have decided that maybe this is the way I can express my deepest feelings and thoughts. If any of you know me, you know that I have the WORST luck ever, and not just in one particular thing, with everything! Whether it be vehicles, jobs, money, love, kids, friends, etc.  I'm not exactly sure why my luck has always been so bad, but I have learned to deal with it every day. It's almost as if when something good happens to me, it has to turn around and make sure that something bad reciprocates. It really does suck, but I have gotten so used to it, I ignore it. My best friend said to me once that I obsorb everyone else's bad luck. Yeah, that seems about right!

It's definitely not easy when tragedy strikes and everyone you thought was your friends turn their back on you because they think that in some way, they are better than you. Well, I got news for ya, you aren't! To have people who have their own issues and problems point at you and and talk about you as if their lives are perfect is quite painful. There were several instances that I wanted to scream in their faces about the problems I knew they had, and what things they had done in their past had ruined their future and their kids' future. I mean, who wants to be in a wheelchair the rest of their life because their mom was too busy drinking to pay attention to her son? Or, who wants to grow up and learn that their father is in prison because he is a murderer? And yet, I am the one with all of the problems and I purposely put my child in harms way. Yea, you're right, you all know me SO well!!

I am definitely not perfect, but who is? I am bettering my life, and yet still being judged. For those of you who like to know EVERYTHING about EVERYONE here's the latest scoop on me! I work at a hotel again, I'm in school, I have my own vehicle and I share an apartment with my best friend. Not enough info for you? Well that's all you are gonna get because I don't feel as though any of you deserve to know what's going on in my life, even though most of you seem to think that you have every right to know everything.

I have never written a blog before, but I honestly think that this may be the best thing that I have decided to do in a long time. This may help my bad moods, and help me with my healing process. This post is a little short, but I kinda wanted to get the hang of it all before I started rambling on and on about what and who are bothering me.


"The future depends on what we do in the present" - Mahatma Gandhi